tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post3344449658919721529..comments2023-09-21T11:44:55.752+01:00Comments on Olive Dragonfly: Why is it taboo?Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01977385528180957375noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-32328417810362824922013-09-16T15:45:17.030+01:002013-09-16T15:45:17.030+01:00I find this really interesting. M is not big on s...I find this really interesting. M is not big on sharing stuff, just because that is not him so some things I don't share that much as they are not mine alone to share.<br /><br />I love this writing and find it very thought provoking. I share a LOT less than I used to, but I do think I used to share too much? I think in your circumstances it is right to have shared if it now means you get the support you need. And I am hoping so much that this next round works for you xxAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00414010663277948166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-9038950708211698812013-09-07T09:27:59.171+01:002013-09-07T09:27:59.171+01:00Bex this post is just so well written. We discuss...Bex this post is just so well written. We discussed it before you published it and you know that my thoughts are different to yours on some of the points you raise but you acknowledge the fact that people deal with things in different ways so well in the post.<br /><br />Fee it is awful to read what some of your friends have said to you, I'm glad venting your frustration in the comments has helped!<br /><br />And Anon I hope you are inspired by Bex to send that post to AOW, I'm sure the community will respond to your post with the usual love and wise words. Sending you some virtual hugs.<br /><br />Roz xxAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06974912262059041030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-19331461270672551722013-09-05T12:19:39.334+01:002013-09-05T12:19:39.334+01:00Oh Bex, you are so so right. I truly believe that ...Oh Bex, you are so so right. I truly believe that sharing stories makes us all better, more capable of empathy and understanding each other. Which is why I have also talked about it... I also don't understand why there is such a taboo around infertility or miscarriage, these are things that happen and have always have. I think it also changes per culture. Not regarding infertility, but miscarriage, in Mexico it is something that is very known / talked about and people are aware of. I would not share pregnancy news at the beginning except with very close family and friends, people who we would tell everything and count on no matter the outcome. <br /><br />However, in contrast, I have found going through infertility very, very isolating, at least at the beginning... while at the same time realising that it happens to a lot of people. And people go through it in silence while we could support each other. (As you say, this depends per person, I totally understand some people do not deal with things by talking / expressing them, or want to remain private for many many reasons). <br />But the isolation of it... it almost seems like it is some kind of awful curse, like leprosy or the black pest in the middle ages, and you go through it all alone (until you talk).<br /> And like Fee says, it's just some of us get worse luck than others, and it is just medical conditions that are extremely hard to navigate. <br />I think people are afraid to talk about this because they don't want to stop and think it could happen to them... it's like closing eyes to an awful possibility, when it's just random. Bad things happen to good people all the time for no reason. <br />Hugs Bex... and if you ever need to talk / vent just know that I am there and you can email me anytime. Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02424374017675047414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-29931472785657844902013-09-05T11:59:49.725+01:002013-09-05T11:59:49.725+01:00As I said in my tweet to you I am a great believer...As I said in my tweet to you I am a great believer in sharing and many people know about my <br />troubles. We mistaken shared our pregnancy news at 9weeks and when we got awful news at 12<br />I was grateful that I had a group of people to lean on. A worse conversation would have <br />been to have to tell them I was pregnant and now I'm not and why.<br />But I think you hit the nail on the head when you said about giving people the information.<br />I hate people only knowing half the story, thinking they know what I went through and saying<br />to me what they think I want to hear. I would rather they know the full picture. Also I find as you say they are less inclined to make insensitve comments when they know.<br />xxAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088478182055083439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-19941268888325051032013-09-05T10:55:55.695+01:002013-09-05T10:55:55.695+01:00Anon, that is such a shame you received that react...Anon, that is such a shame you received that reaction from people you trusted. I urge you to send in that anonymous post as I have no doubt you will get the support you need from that amazing community! Honestly! And please, if you want to, email me - I promise to respond and keep anything you choose to share private.<br /><br />I wish it was easier to be open about difficult subjects and I realise I have been lucky in that regard as sharing has only made it easier for me to share more. Please don't be put off by what sound like friends who really don't understand what it feels like to receive bad news and need support. I hope you find it somewhere else. xxBexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01977385528180957375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-75602652614064980222013-09-05T10:41:16.438+01:002013-09-05T10:41:16.438+01:00I've been debating whether to send in a post t...I've been debating whether to send in a post to AOW (anonymously!) about exactly this subject because I've been wanting to get some other opinions on it too. <br /><br />I had some really bad news recently, told a couple of close friends about it, and have felt so let down by their reactions that it's actually deflected from the original bad news by making me feel incredibly lonely. Maybe if I was less shy or less worried about putting things out for others to see then I would have got the support from strangers that I didn't get in my friends and I am certainly asking myself why I didn't ask for help on Twitter or AOW. Pride, I suppose, and feeling like noone was really that bothered because my friends had acted like they weren't. I don't know... <br /><br />But I am so very very glad that you have got support when you needed it and that by sharing your experiences other people have felt the same. I have so much respect for you for sharing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-14097962017839765912013-09-05T10:32:27.902+01:002013-09-05T10:32:27.902+01:00I totally agree - I think I've just been scarr...I totally agree - I think I've just been scarred by a few select eejits!Feenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-63581763426987655122013-09-05T10:28:55.265+01:002013-09-05T10:28:55.265+01:00I'm so sorry you've had to deal with such ...I'm so sorry you've had to deal with such thoughtless comments Fee! <br /><br />I can completely understand why you find keeping things private is easier in your case, and others may indeed feel the same way about their own situations. As I said, I am only speaking from my own experience and have been lucky that the only things that upset me when people do know is when they try to offer stories of hope or tell me not to be sad (as I said in this post - http://olivedragonfly.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/what-do-you-say.html) but these are said with the best of intentions and I much prefer that to the probing questions about when we might start a family from nosey people who don't or didn't know our situation. Although I think that only happened once, it was more the fear of it happening and how I might react that worried me.<br /><br />Having even just a few people you can rely on for support makes all the difference, I just hate the loneliness that can come with keeping secrets. I'm a big believer that sharing makes life better, the good and the bad.<br /><br />xxxBexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01977385528180957375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242841918662376063.post-58946066675800715272013-09-05T10:02:32.238+01:002013-09-05T10:02:32.238+01:00Again, this is such a lovely piece of writing Bex....Again, this is such a lovely piece of writing Bex. I'm sure a lot of people will find it really comforting.<br /><br />As you know, I'm coming from a slightly different angle of a giant, flashing loss at nearly six months pregnant last year so there was no avoiding telling people about that. However, the way some people reacted has definitely affected what I do now.<br /><br />We've had a couple of other things happen this year (unrelated to what happened to our son but in a similar ball park) that I don't particularly want to talk about and only a few people know about. A big reason for not sharing these things with people is because of the totally crap way in which some people reacted to the loss of our son but also because of the reactions of some people who do know. Examples include:<br /><br />- 'I look at you and realise how lucky I am'<br />- 'I didn't know this sort of thing could happen until it happened to you,, it makes me worried'<br />- 'There must be something wrong with you'<br />- 'I don't want to be one of those people like you who keeps having bad things happen to them'<br /><br />I don't want to be pitied, I don't want to feel guilty, I don't want to have to explain that there is nothing wrong with me, I just have really shitty luck.<br /><br />I think because the loss of our son had to be so public, I need any further disappointments to be private to me and my husband (with the exception of our closest friends). I'm sick of advice and speculation. And I'm sick of people feeling sorry or me when they actually have no idea how I feel or that despite the bad times, I have one of the happiest marriages of anyone I know which is a lot more than some of my tactless friends can say.<br /><br />I think I just blasted out about a year's worth of frustration!<br /><br />I totally agree with your post Bex. My situation is just a bit unique! Sending you so much love as ever xxxxFeenoreply@blogger.com