I realised a long time ago that it was unlikely that we'd get to surprise anyone close to us with news of our pregnancy. Since I am an open person who likes and needs to talk about things, everyone close to us knows our situation and when we're undergoing treatment. I'd already had a brilliant idea for how I planned to announce our pregnancy on the blog as well. Obviously now that I've written about our IVF on here, it's unlikely that I'll be able to experience that conversation with anyone without them expecting it and I've come to terms with that. (Serves me right for getting so far ahead of myself in my head as usual!) I just hope we do get to experience the rest of the excitement that comes with pregnancy one day.
We're currently undergoing our second round of treatment and I have to say I am much less apprehensive this time as I know how I react to the drugs and I am lucky that I have very little in the way of side-effects. Even stabbing myself in the tummy with a needle everyday isn't too bad! I also have a better idea of the timeline with regard to how long I'm likely to be injecting the drugs and how soon after I will be getting sedated again for egg retrieval. Knowing what to expect makes it so much easier for me to handle. Also, last time I was sedated and came round (I was so heavily sedated I was unconscious and Nik wasn't allowed in theatre with me) Nik recorded my ramblings on my mobile phone and listening back to it later was absolutely hilarious! We needed those moments of laughter amongst it all.
The fact I am also prepared for the issue that there is a problem with my eggs on top of everything else means my hopes won't get quite so high following retrieval as I know we are unlikely to get any embryos again. I am still hopeful of course, but it was such a shock last time and I think that's why I found it so much more difficult to cope when it all ended so devastatingly.
Obviously, it will still be hard if it is unsuccessful again but as with our last cycle, I have made plans to try to help me get through it. Last time, we had our holiday to Malaysia planned so I was going to be able to see Mum whatever happened. (Isn't it always the way that when things in life go wrong, you just want your Mum?!) Not to mention just getting away from everything, being able to chill out without worrying about work or general everyday life. Being able to go diving, sit in the sun (or rain) by the sea and just concentrate on other, fun things for a couple of weeks.
This time, Mum is actually going to be here. Mum and Dad were due to fly in anyway as my cousin's getting married in October and this is the time of year they're usually home for a visit. Mum has managed to extend her stay so she is arriving a bit earlier than Dad and will be here for what I think will be the critical week of everything happening. So basically, if we find out again that we have no embryos to implant, she will be here this time. Hugs from Mums are just the best when everything is crap so I'm so glad she'll be here. Not only that but I have planned plenty of things for us to do together to keep me distracted and help me move on again. We have a spa day booked at the gorgeous Mar Hall (which I'll have to cancel if it does work, but obviously I'd be quite happy with that!), I'm looking for somewhere for a tasty afternoon tea and we're going to hopefully get lots of crafty things done as well. (I'm waiting for Mum's help before I tackle some of my more adventurous sewing tasks.) I also want to show them both some of my new favourite places around Glasgow - I'll definitely be taking them to Cup! :)
Not long after all that, I also have the fabulous ODP2 to look forward to on the 2nd of November with PLENTY of plans and things to make to keep me occupied! I love Halloween and it's the perfect distraction with Pinterest to fill me with lots of exciting ideas! :D I'm really looking forward to actual Halloween day as well since it's on a Thursday and I'm off so I can spend all day getting organised before Roz comes over that evening to help me put up the decorations for the weekend and carve all the pumpkins! We're so excited!
So, fingers crossed for another big reason to be excited in October but if it doesn't work out, there's plenty of stuff to help me move past it again.
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| My cute little sharps box on my bedside table |
We're currently undergoing our second round of treatment and I have to say I am much less apprehensive this time as I know how I react to the drugs and I am lucky that I have very little in the way of side-effects. Even stabbing myself in the tummy with a needle everyday isn't too bad! I also have a better idea of the timeline with regard to how long I'm likely to be injecting the drugs and how soon after I will be getting sedated again for egg retrieval. Knowing what to expect makes it so much easier for me to handle. Also, last time I was sedated and came round (I was so heavily sedated I was unconscious and Nik wasn't allowed in theatre with me) Nik recorded my ramblings on my mobile phone and listening back to it later was absolutely hilarious! We needed those moments of laughter amongst it all.
The fact I am also prepared for the issue that there is a problem with my eggs on top of everything else means my hopes won't get quite so high following retrieval as I know we are unlikely to get any embryos again. I am still hopeful of course, but it was such a shock last time and I think that's why I found it so much more difficult to cope when it all ended so devastatingly.
Obviously, it will still be hard if it is unsuccessful again but as with our last cycle, I have made plans to try to help me get through it. Last time, we had our holiday to Malaysia planned so I was going to be able to see Mum whatever happened. (Isn't it always the way that when things in life go wrong, you just want your Mum?!) Not to mention just getting away from everything, being able to chill out without worrying about work or general everyday life. Being able to go diving, sit in the sun (or rain) by the sea and just concentrate on other, fun things for a couple of weeks.
This time, Mum is actually going to be here. Mum and Dad were due to fly in anyway as my cousin's getting married in October and this is the time of year they're usually home for a visit. Mum has managed to extend her stay so she is arriving a bit earlier than Dad and will be here for what I think will be the critical week of everything happening. So basically, if we find out again that we have no embryos to implant, she will be here this time. Hugs from Mums are just the best when everything is crap so I'm so glad she'll be here. Not only that but I have planned plenty of things for us to do together to keep me distracted and help me move on again. We have a spa day booked at the gorgeous Mar Hall (which I'll have to cancel if it does work, but obviously I'd be quite happy with that!), I'm looking for somewhere for a tasty afternoon tea and we're going to hopefully get lots of crafty things done as well. (I'm waiting for Mum's help before I tackle some of my more adventurous sewing tasks.) I also want to show them both some of my new favourite places around Glasgow - I'll definitely be taking them to Cup! :)
Not long after all that, I also have the fabulous ODP2 to look forward to on the 2nd of November with PLENTY of plans and things to make to keep me occupied! I love Halloween and it's the perfect distraction with Pinterest to fill me with lots of exciting ideas! :D I'm really looking forward to actual Halloween day as well since it's on a Thursday and I'm off so I can spend all day getting organised before Roz comes over that evening to help me put up the decorations for the weekend and carve all the pumpkins! We're so excited!
So, fingers crossed for another big reason to be excited in October but if it doesn't work out, there's plenty of stuff to help me move past it again.
9 comments:
Wishing you all the best and sending oodles of positive vibes your way xx
I am crossing my fingers and hoping for you. I hope it will work out this time, I really really do. As for the "stolen" moments I always thought we would not have a "I just peed on a stick in the bathroom and it's positive and I'm crying" moment... and we did have it (because our clinic does not confirm pregnancies by HCG blood testing), which for us was actually super nice.
Bex, when it happens everyone will be super happy and you will get your super exciting "OMG I'm pregnant" / announcement moment, even more after all of this. I really really hope for this. Hugs-
Sending you positive thoughts.
It's funny I have my blog/Facebook announcement all planned too - been sitting on the idea for 3 years just waiting.
I think it's amazing the attitude you have towards your difficulties, it's no mean feat to cope with these things with such aplomb.
Hopefully you'll get to surprise us all yet :)
Kate x
kateheartcake.wordpress.com
I'm keeping absolutely everything crossed for you. Even though your expectations of pregnancy have changed, it sounds like you are rolling with the punches - I think you're so brave and strong.
So much luck! Fxxx
Thanks everyone :)
Just trying to stay hopeful and maybe one day we will be lucky.
Kate - thank you so much. I do try to keep things in perspective but I do often have days of stamping feet, tears and "It's not fair!" too.
Wishing you so much luck for this cycle, the moment you can make that announcement to everyone will be amazing and so welcomed that not having that surprise element will not matter one bit.
Xx
Aww Bex. Fertility treatment does rob you of many of the small exciting moments fertile couples get to experience.
However, when it does work out, I know this from experience, as ou slowly move through that shaky first trimester, the new happiness you will feel will blot out all of the sadness that came before.
I really hope this cycle works out xxx
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