Off on our holidays!

by Bex

Well, we finally have a holiday booked!  It always seems to be last minute with us!!  Having only just (half) confirmed Nik's annual leave, we've managed to get a holiday for the only time he can go.  There was an option in May but then we'll need to be available for flat viewings, house hunting and the best one of all - a humanist naming ceremony for which we've asked to be Guide Parents (kind of like Godparents without the religion)!  We leave in 2 weeks!  I'm still waiting for confirmation on our first hotel choice (we're staying in two places) and will share more details soon but we're off to Thailand!!

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I have always wanted to go to Thailand but it's either never been the right time for me or for the weather over there!  It just happened to be the best option for this time of year and at short notice for this trip.  I'm glad it's all finally sorted and just at the right time.  As you read this I am probably fasting, sedated or recovering.  Today they are attempting for the second time to gain access through my crazy S shaped cervical canal to implant 2 of our thawed embryos.  This time I will be asleep so they don't have to worry about me but other than that, there's not anything else they can try.  It's kind of a last ditch attempt really.  (If you're new to the blog you can read about our IVF experiences here.)

I am not expecting it to be successful which is a good thing as I'm not sure I could take another crash.  Obviously there is a little hope there (or they wouldn't be trying again) but I am trying not to feel excited this time as I took it so hard to leave without any embryos inside me after the last attempt in September.  After everything we've been through, all the hurdles before even that one, I can't take anything else unexpected so I am expecting it to fail.  Still fingers crossed by some miracle they manage to get round the bends and place our little embryos where they need to be!

In case you didn't see this before - here is our best embryo developing from 1 tiny cell in the very beginning - so amazing to watch!

Anyway, this time I am feeling more prepared for disappointment.  I have the week off work (with the option of going back Friday if I feel up to facing people) and lots to get on with in that time.  I have booked a few estate agents to come and value the flat so I have to get it sorted asap so no moping if it doesn't work, now we know where we're going to live, I can think about the future again, with or without children for now.  I've already been checking out Brighton and Hove adoption services just in case.  (I will share more on our thoughts about adoption soon as there are lots of thoughts!)

I also have our holiday to look forward to.  Just us, 2 weeks in a tropical paradise with the option of diving if I'm not pregnant (a positive of failure I guess!) as I've always wanted to dive here and we'll be near one of the world's most amazing dive locations, the Similan islands.

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And if we can't dive, we're staying in some lovely, yet bargainous, hotels in Phuket and Khao Lak which is also near a National Park (Elephants) and the beach (relaxing) and both have spas and lovely pools!  As you know, we also love food and exploring the nearby towns with various streetfood and other local delicacies to try will also be great fun!  (Although we'll have to be very careful about peanuts over there!)  "Mai sai peanut - mee pare", apparently!

And of course, I will be taking lots of my own photos to share when we return!  

I think it will be a pretty perfect de-stressing therapy whatever happens.  Two weeks of chillaxing in the sun, can't be bad  ;)  Obviously we should really be saving, saving, saving for our new home in Brighton but sometimes you just need a holiday.  I really think this counts as need in our case.  We've had a tough six months (well, 18 months really since finding out about our infertility) and some time away together is just ideal right now.