Overwhelmed

by Bex

So we did it.  We're where we never thought we'd be!  I'm terrified.  Not just of what is coming but what might go wrong.  We've been hit by so many unexpected disappointments after each success and we're at just as much risk of miscarriage as anyone (possibly more if it turns out to be twins).  Obviously I'm trying not to think about that and just to enjoy the moment.  I am pregnant, OH MY GOSH!

I guess because I have been writing about this openly for so long puts me in a somewhat unique (or at least rare) position as a non-anonymous blogger who can write about the early days of pregnancy as they happen.  It is much more common for the first 12 weeks to be kept secret.  Only a few of our 'real life' friends and relatives read my blog and we have (I think) told them all but until we have at least our first scan, we won't be doing 'the big reveal' to all.  However, you guys, who do read this blog have gone through this with me (crying again, wow these pregnancy hormones are strong!) and always believed for me and been there to hold my hand through the dark times.  You know I truly had given up at one point and that was the most difficult thing.  I think that's why, for now at least, it doesn't seem real that what we always wanted and hoped for is actually happening!

From a single cell...

So, anyway, the last week of waiting was hard.  I was convinced after week one following implantation that it hadn't worked.  I was very irritable at the weekend (sorry Nik) and thought it was PMS.  Twitter reassured me this wasn't necessarily true and that early pregnancy could also elicit these types of mood swings along with cramps, bleeding, etc.  I hadn't done much reading or research as I found it too much to deal with before.  On the Sunday night, having become paranoid my period was imminent (it was due Monday or possibly Tuesday) we decided to do a test just to see if it was negative.  We knew that within 7 days we might get a false positive due to the hCG injection I received just after the implantation to try to help my body hang onto those embryos!  We saw a faint line and were happy just to still have hope.  It was promising but as it was day 7, we put it down to the injection and decided to test again on Tuesday.

Tuesday was a horrendous day!  After two awful events, I decided I didn't want a negative test to be the third!  I went out for dinner that night and had a lovely time discussing ranting about my day with awesome friends who made me feel much better.  I was starting to feel seriously tired in the evenings though and head to head home straight after we'd eaten.  It didn't help that I'd started waking up at 4.30am every day either!  As a result of my early morning insomnia, I wasn't sure if that was my reason for tiredness or could it be that early pregnancy tiredness I'd heard so much about from friends?

Another clue was the sore boobs.  Again, could be related to an impending period so I didn't want to read too much into that either.  After Monday and Tuesday passed with no other signs though and my boobs were still sore I started to get more hopeful.  It's so hard trying to stay grounded after so many setbacks, I didn't want to get ahead of myself but on Wednesday morning I took another test.  Two days after my period was due and with Sunday's faint line to compare with, I knew this one was a definite positive.  Nik wasn't home from his night shift yet and I had to go to work so I wrote him a letter and hid it with the two tests in his cufflink box in our bedroom.  I didn't think he'd find it and called him on my way home at lunchtime to tell him to open the box.  He read my soppy, excited letter and knew I was on my way home anticipating his excited face.  He had 10 minutes to let it sink in before I got back to a confused face - he wanted verbal confirmation!  lol.

Until we had our blood test on Friday, we didn't want to get too ahead of ourselves but did tell our parents and a few special people.  The reactions were amazing, with a lot of swear words, lol.  And I loved all of the comments on yesterday's brief announcement post!  :)

I went to see a friend on Friday evening to tell her.  Her 6 year old daughter (my flower girl) heard me say I'm pregnant and she declared, "I know what that means!  You have a baby in your tummy!" and then wrote me this:

The blood test confirmed everything looked good, healthy levels of hCG.  This is happening.  Eeeek!  :)