Coping

by Bex

If I've seemed distracted or not really here over the last few months, now you know why.  I sometimes find I get right into projects and am able to 'find pleasure in the little things', something I think I'm actually quite good at, but sometimes I find my concentration and drive just abandon me along with the desire to write.  Even my reading habits have changed and despite reading a good book, recommended by Roz and others, I just found I couldn't concentrate on it properly and wasn't getting any enjoyment out of the lovely writing.  I stopped and instead read 'Good Husband Material', clearly trashy chick lit and it was perfect.  Not taxing in the slightest but amusing enough to keep my interest.

Craft projects too, often get started and abandoned when it gets to the point of more effort, like the two vests I have pinned and ready but the sewing machine is still tidied away in the spare room wardrobe.  Or all the colourful discs I have punched out ready to be made into a garland but are just sitting in a pile in a drawer.

I find myself avoiding Twitter (other than my personal feed so I don't miss messages directed to me) as I don't like being a jealous person but knowing so many people embarking on their family lives and sharing adorable pictures is sometimes just too much to take.  Don't get me wrong, I love the cute pics and catching up with everyone, but only at certain intervals, when I am feeling more positive and things  are seem to be progressing.  So if you've noticed I haven't been as interactive on Twitter lately, it's nothing personal, I am just avoiding it in general other than posting about the blog and what I'm up to unless someone instigates a conversation.

I try.  I try so hard to distract myself and not be miserable.  I try to have fun with my outfits, find more Pinterest projects to try out (Pin It Do It has been fab!), work on my never ending recipe project...  Things I find fun and easy.  I am now also helping out with organising and writing the blog for Glasgow Baking Club while Ali is enjoying being a new Mum.  Anything that can make me happy in the short term.  I don't want to sink into a pit of woe-is-me depression.  I do know things could be worse, that at least we have each other, at least we're healthy.

Source: o1xbabii.tumblr.com via Bex @OliveDragonfly on Pinterest

I'm usually successful.  It helps that I am easily excited anyway so little things do give me pleasure and take my mind off all the crap going on.  We have our holiday booked to go to Malaysia to see my parents very soon.  I've spoken before about how they live abroad and I miss having them around.  Although I am completely used to it as they've been gone for 12 years now, it has been especially hard during this part of our lives as sometimes I do just want a big hug from my Mum.  I am very lucky that I get on extremely well with my in-laws and they have been very supportive throughout.  They're only about 3 hours away and knowing that they could be here so easily if we needed them is a comfort and they're always at the end of the phone.  I'm also lucky that hugs are readily available in the form of my close friends here in Glasgow.  Perhaps it's as a result of not having my parents close by, but my friendships are extremely important to me and my close friends really are like family, including those who are scattered around the country and offer virtual hugs frequently via email.  And, of course, Nik.  I couldn't have made it this far with any sanity if it weren't for him. 

Anyway, our trip to Malaysia was timed to be close to the end of our cycle.  Pure luck as it was the only time Nik was able to get enough days off together to go so far (a week really isn't enough) and co-incided with my parents actually being there.  They have a home in Malaysia, ready for them to retire to in the next few years.  I've always known they wouldn't come back to the UK.  My Mum is a sunbathing fiend!  ;)  My uncle and his family will also be there at that time so there will be plenty to distract us.  The thought was that if it worked, we'd get to tell them in person (unlikely at any other point as I usually only see them once a year when they return to the UK every Autumn) and if it didn't work then we get to just go away for a bit and relax somewhere warm and most importantly, I get to see my Mum when I need her.

I've been to Malaysia before, when they had an apartment in Borneo, and had a couple of days in KL which I absolutely loved!  I am SO jealous of Clare getting to live there!  They recently sold the apartment to buy a house on the mainland and are about an hour or so from KL.  Ideal!  A brunch with Clare is already planned and I can't wait to meet Emmi!  Hopefully Bella's visit during her travels will also coincide and she will join us.  We're now also going to have a long weekend in Borneo for my aunt, uncle, cousins and Nik to see the orangutans and for us all to do a bit of diving.  Something I was hoping I wouldn't be able to participate in but since that hasn't worked out, I'm looking forward to getting back under the waves!  It's been a long time!

Source: budandpaul.tumblr.com via Joanne on Pinterest

This last week has been OK actually.  Tuesday was horrible and I was pretty miserable all day, but after writing about everything I had already started to feel better and being able to share it definitely helped.  I spent the rest of the week mostly eating cheese and potatoes in some form (cheesy mash) or another (cheesy potato waffles) and doing lots and lots of writing.  I really got in the mood again after writing our story and have written posts like this one, posts about events, recipes, outfits, days out...  The next 2 weeks on the blog are all scheduled (I'm never usually that organised!) and I'm still writing.  I've also spent a lot of time reading and replying to the messages I received in response to our situation, it's been so lovely to hear from people going through similar situations and to be able to support each other.  I did also do a little crafting, got a few little boring jobs done (Tax Return!), watched a few films (films and box sets are a godsend when you want to escape real life with minimal concentration), tried a few new recipes and of course, did a spot of retail therapy!

I shouldn't really be spending at all what with our expensive trip coming up (flights to Malaysia are RIDICULOUSLY expensive and it doesn't help that it's in the school holidays, luckily we don't have to worry about accommodation costs, just food, etc when we are there) and the fact I've been working less lately.  In preparation for the IVF, I have been working 3 days a week in order to be less stressed and more relaxed while I took the drugs and prepared for procedures.  Anything that might help make it more likely to be successful and that seemed like a good plan.  It worked out well actually as most of the days I had off I ended up having scans or procedures anyway.  It's difficult to plan ahead when you don't know what's going to happen and certain decisions on what will happen when are made with little notice.  I'm very lucky that everyone at work has been great, so supportive and I've had no bother getting time off and cutting down my hours temporarily which I'm so grateful for.

So basically, other than the odd minor meltdown, I'm coping pretty well and managing to distract myself from bad thoughts of "what if...".  Having things to look forward to is key, whether they are little things like a day/night out/in with friends and new craft/blog/outfit plans or big things like Amy's wedding and our trip to Malaysia.


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