Thursday, 25 July 2013

Post Holiday Blues

by Bex

So, I arrived back from Malaysia on Sunday evening around 8pm.  Nik was working nights so I got a taxi home and managed to get my 30kg (Mum and I love to shop together and don't often get the chance) case up the two flights of stairs one step at a time by myself.  I was exhausted, had been awake for around 20 hours and was already thinking about everything I had on this week.  I sat down, opened the mail and burst into tears.

I felt all the stress of real life come flooding back into my tired body.  Our time away was amazing, we had so much fun and so many activities with loads of distractions but very little chillout time.  I hadn't had any time to think which was possibly a blessing given everything that's been going on lately but this meant that when I came home and was reminded of everything and with a lot to get done that week I suddenly felt very overwhelmed and miserable.  Why did I bother coming home?

I've never experienced post holiday blues before, I'm usually so excited to get home, see everyone and fill them all (and you lot) in on everything we'd got up to while away, unpack my souvenirs and find homes for them and sleep in my own bed.  To try to defend why I sound so pathetic and moany after being so lucky to have been away and have such an amazing trip, these are some of the things and thoughts I came home to (not all bad but adding up to a very busy week)...
  • Going to work on Monday after minimal sleep and with jet lag (bad planning on my part but I was trying to avoid any more time off since I've had so much lately with the IVF and the holiday).
  • Paying my July tax bill 
  • Having to think of and bake something for Baking Club on Wednesday evening
  • Writing up my 2 audits in time to post on Monday
  • Our IVF review appointment next Tuesday
  • Sorting out the MOT and service for my car
  • A blogging event on Thursday evening
  • Packing again for a long weekend away for a wedding in London
  • Adjusting my new Indian outfit for one of the wedding events (there are 3!)
  • Planning my other outfits and accessories for the wedding events
  • Getting everything done before leaving on Friday
  • Trying to sleep normally!
  • All I want to do is edit my photos and write about our trip (and sleep!)
I know, I know - woe is me!  It didn't help that Nik was working and I came home to an empty flat after having not seen him for a few days.  (He had to return home earlier due to work.)  While our holiday was wonderful and it was great to see Mum & Dad and my uncle's family, it was sad having to say goodbye again.  We also had SO much on during the trip and coming home to such a busy week, life's worries hit me hard.

The letter I opened was a rejection of my "formal representation" (i.e. correspondence number 3) to the council against a parking ticket which I refuse to pay on principle.  The area I parked in back in March was resurfaced a few months ago and when the double yellow lines around the dead end of the road were painted back in, one side was painted in an extra few meters down the road (about 3 car lengths).  Obviously I avoided parking there and often struggled to find a space nearby but after a few weeks these new lines were painted over in black and the old finishing line was painted back in where it used to be, next to the no loading sign on the wall.  Everyone started parking there again.  Unfortunately this area often floods with the Glasgow rains and a rather useless drain at the corner and the large puddle repeatedly extends along the kerb.  Slowly, over a number of weeks, this washed away the black paint, starting to reveal the yellow lines again.  I was parked on these, still faded, yellow lines when I received the ticket.  Since my first letter, these reappearing yellow lines have been blasted off permanently and properly but when I eventually heard back from them, they refused to cancel my ticket as I was parked on apparently valid lines with a sign within 15m stating no loading.

I've tried appealing this on the basis that the lines were not clear as they'd been painted over, the correct lines had an obvious end line painted which corresponded to the no loading sign on the red wall.  I took photos of the area showing the difference between the sets of lines (sadly not with my car in situ as I didn't have my camera on me when I received the ticket) and still they state the same thing and refuse to accept that the lines were not clear and did not appear to be valid having been painted over.  Admittedly the difference was becoming less obvious by then (especially when wet as in these photos) but I'm not sure at what point they could say that the black painted lines were valid again after they slowly started reappearing.

Anyway, reading the latest rejection just tipped me over the edge in my exhausted state and I just felt like giving up.  Not just on that, but everything else I've been struggling with, the IVF and my job which I have been enjoying less and less lately.  Being back to real life and the thought of having to be glam and switched on all weekend, catching up with so many people and meeting new ones is feeling quite daunting at the moment.  All I want to do is have a weekend at home.  I normally look forward to events, but almost didn't go to baking club, despite never having missed one.  I was rethinking the blogging event, even though I love being invited to these things and it sounds right up my street.  I really love Nik's family and don't get to see them often but I'm not feeling at my social best at the moment.  While I know I will probably enjoy it all and I am looking forward to the wedding and seeing everyone, I'm also a little anxious about it, not knowing if people will bring up the subject of children, etc and I'm just feeling quite exhausted at the thought.  I'm hoping once I get some of my tasks out of the way and I am packed that I will feel more relaxed and just be able to get away and enjoy myself.  July has just been a bit too crazy!

I don't want to end this rather depressing post without mentioning how Nik has helped me keep going so far this week.  I might have shrivelled up under the duvet without him!  I phoned him when I was home and upset on Sunday night and he said I should either just get started on the audits I was worrying about or if I couldn't concentrate (I couldn't) I should just wait another hour or so and then go to bed.  I managed to stay up for another half an hour before falling asleep clutching my kindle.  The next day, after his night shift, he waited up to see me and provide a much needed hug when I came home for lunch which was a lovely surprise as I thought I wouldn't get to see him until that evening.  He'd also bought be some lovely happy yellow flowers and some sushi AND he was busy writing the appeal letter to the council for me!  Amazing!

I've been trying some of my usual tricks to cheer myself up too and my fab new bright yellow bag (with lime green inside) teamed with a spot of colourful tie dye has been perking me up when I have to go to work.

And I received this gorgeous rainbow thank you card from Amy on my first day back...


Fee said...

Post holiday blues suck. Coming back to all that stuff sounds v overwhelming - do you want me to come and duff up the parking man?

A quick note on the social wedding stuff - without fail, I DREAD every social event that isn't just close friends who know the specifics of our situation. I usually work myself up into what can only be described as a COMPLETE STATE.

As yet, nothing awful has happened and I've been able to brush off the odd comment and be swept away by whichever event I'm at. So try not to worry, it probably won't be as bad you think.

Hang in there chica x

amy said...

If it helps I feel like this all the time! The only way to get through it is to just break everything down in to little pieces and deal with them one by one, otherwise you'll just lock yourself in the flat eating cake and not doing any of them (I speak from experience on that).

And remember you don't HAVE to go out to things if you really don't want to, don't beat yourself up about it.

Try and focus on something fun like accessorising your Indian wedding outfit.

Becca said...

Please let me know if you need a uber snotty letter to the Council. I currently have a 100% success rate, as does my boss who took Westminster Council to a hearing and they only backed down when he said he'd be claiming a day of salary to attend the hearing and it was X amount. Keep fighting.

As for the post holiday blues, the only way to get over them is to plan another holiday. Obviously.

Amanda said...

Oh hugs and hugs and hugs. Bex, I promise you it will get better. Try and chill as much as possible while, like Amy says, focusing on the fun stuff and set deadlines for the other stuff, one thing at a time, so it does not seem overwhelming.
The wedding will be fun... if people ask, you can a), say something vague like hopefully soon or b) fill them in and leave them flabbergasted, maybe they will stop asking then.
Maybe you can plan a weekend escapade or fancy dinner in a week or two? Or walks, I promise you, walks with your husband work, is the best therapy. (Even if at the beginning you don't feel like leaving the house)

Ashleigh said...

Awww I have the post honeymoon / Wedding blues so sympathise with you! Packing up all the wedding stuff on Sunday had me in tears, getting up for work on monday morning had me in tears!

What helps me is the phrase "this too shall pass" nothing lasts for ever so just keep plodding and it will get better.

hugs xoxoxo

Amanda M said...

Post holiday blues suck majorly and you had a double dose of reality socking you one with that list of woes.

Nik sounds amazing (actually falling for him a bit myself!) but you need to be as kind to you as he is. Please don't overstretch yourself.

Let me know when you're in London and if you fancy a swift coffee/cocktail.


PS that bag is seriously delicious - missed the lime inside when I saw it on instagram.

Fee said...

This too shall pass is my favourite saying! XX

Bex said...

Thank you everyone, I probably shouldn't write when down in the doldrums, I'm already feeling perkier after a good sleep on Wednesday night! My audits have been sent off and I've just finished adjusting my dress for the weekend and accessory planning and packing is underway :)

Thanks again for all your comments and hugs! Fee & Becca, I may just need to call you up on those offers of violence and letters ;)

I even managed to pop to both events for an hour or so and enjoyed myself. I think this weekend will be good and I'm already looking forward to a weekend of nothing next week!

:) xx

(Amanda email me your phone number and I'll text if there's a free moment!!)

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